Depression

Living with someone who is sick with depression is very difficult. When you've said marital vows and are committed to honoring them, it's tough to follow through when your spouse is ill with a mental health sickness. Suddenly the words "for better or for worse" haunt you because you never knew how bad it could get.

And yet you stay with them because you love them and you hope that they'll get better. With great courage you battle through the storms with them, believing for something better than what you're living.

So you're stuck between what is real and horrible and what could be and is healthier.

Many say there is no cure for depression. But I say there is. Many people wonder if it's possible to live on the other side of depression. It is.

I am living proof there is hope. There can be a new day. It can get better. You can be healed.

Don't suffer through depression alone. You don't have to and it'll only make it worse. If you suffer from it or are in a relationship with someone who suffers from it, please know there is help.

Ask me how I overcame the disease.

Joy

Joy. Feeling joy isn't something I'm used to. I've felt happy, jubilant, ecstatic, excited, cheery, optimistic, filled with love and filled with laughter, but up until recently I haven't had the privilege of experiencing joy.

I think joy is much different than happiness, even though the two can be considered the same thing. The distinction between joy and feeling happy is joy abides even when circumstances create feelings of discomfort, sadness or pain.

Yes. For five months now I've experienced joy in the depths of spirit regardless of my feelings and circumstances. Take today for example, I physically feel miserable because of seasonal allergies. I want to rip off my nose, I feel cranky and annoyed and I'm really tired. BUT, as I'm going about my day there is this constant feeling of blessedness. I feel so blessed.

And then there's Betty Albrecht's recent death. Her life and death have impacted me greatly. I didn't expect it and I certainly would like her to still be in our midst. Yet in my grief and my sorrow for her beloved family, I can sense a inner hope and joy, a reason to believe God is in His heaven and His Spirit is here on earth.

Today I am exactly where I want to be. I am doing exactly what I want to be doing. I am a wife and mother and most importantly, a child of God.

Jesus is the reason for my joy. His Spirit abiding in me makes me know in the depths of my soul, I am blessed.

Twinkle Twinkle

This is what makes my life so full of joy...

Candyland and Repentance

"Mom, I just switched the pink card with the chocolate to be mine so I could jump ahead," whispers Joel in a confessional booth kind of way. "Oh," I respond, "Well, you should put your gingerbread man back to start then because you just cheated."

"Nooooo!" exclaims my handsome little five-year-old.

But with a little prompting, he pads back over to the colorful, candy-inspired sugarland board and places his blue piece back at the start. What started out as an innocent game of Candyland ended in a teachable moment about repentance.

You see, according the faith of our Jewish forefathers, confession is in the telling, repentance is in the correcting.

For those of us who believe in the repentance of sins we may have no trouble telling our God about our misdeeds, but are we willing to start all over, even when it could mean losing out on something important?

My hope is to be like my son, running to my God as soon as I mess up and correcting my mistake to demonstrate true regret and repentance.

A New Day

Ten long years of living in fear. Ten long years of living with overwhelming anxiety. Ten years too long of living under a dark and depressing cloud. And now? Well, the sun has risen in my heart and a new day has come.

My world looks fresh and exciting. I can laugh at the days to come. I feel different. I feel more alive. I feel better. I feel normal.

I've waited on God for a long time. I've prayed and hoped and held out for something more, something better than the life I was living. Today He has answered my prayers. Today He has made me free to be me, the woman He created with a purpose and for a reason.

There is hope on the other side of mental health illnesses. There can be a new day filled with joy and awestruck wonder and profound peace. Keep on hoping and praying. Don't give up. A new day will come.

Did I Think You Thought It Too

Did I think you thought it too
Was it based on what is true
I don't know when it switched
Broken down left in the ditch

If I thought you'd think the same
I'd let you understand my name
But I don't say what is within
Just let me be still in my sin

Did you want all I could be
Did I let you see just me
Falling back into the same
Hidden underneath this shame

If I thought you'd stick around
I'd let you dig deep underground
But I don't show what no one sees
So let me stay just as I please

Someday soon it will come to pass
The hidden self will end up last
I think you'll think good things too
Love me whole, love me true

Caleb's Song

He's gotta secret
I've got time
Hoping he'll tell me
Making it mine

Wait and watch for the smile that shines
It's all in the look at the quarter of nine

He's gotta secret
I've got time
He's slowly telling me
I'll make them combine

Wait and watch for the smile that tells
It's bound to be good, it's sure to compel

H. D'Elia